Accepting a diagnosis is not something I have done very easily in my life. Honestly, it has always felt like defeat. And I start thinking… what if that constant, internal fight and defeatism gets in the way of my healing?
My Dad taught me to never give up, to find the answers no matter the cost; and that I can fix anything myself. Then seven years ago, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.
At the time I was living in rural Alaska and in order to see a specialist I had to fly down to the Lower 48. I had a nursing one month old in tow, I was already limping, and I had a couple of fingers that would not bend.
I remember my body hurt everywhere and I had no idea why. I was completely exhausted, but I tried to keep telling myself these were all normal first month baby symptoms.
I was sitting in the doctor's office with my daughter on my lap when the specialist came in and told me I had progressive Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). He said that I would need to start a massive drug protocol right away if I wanted to still be walking in five years.
First thing out of my mouth was, “Well that's not an option, obviously,” looking down at my baby. Then, my question was… “What is RA?”.
I had never heard of it, or any autoimmune diseases for that matter. The doctor had just given me life altering news, and no time to process it before overloading me with information about the drugs I should take, like “what’s safe while nursing?” He offered little about the what, or why, and he said nothing about root cause, alternative solutions, or nutrition.
I couldn't comprehend what I was being told that moment. Looking back now, and with the knowledge I have learned on my own, I recall the important details he shared. For example, the “markers” that showed up in my blood work at the time, and why he called it “progressive,” were important details in deciding how best to fight this disease.
I walked out of the doctor’s office that day, dazed and confused.
Googling Rheumatoid Arthritis is not the best idea - since the internet does not profit from featuring success stories - I saw pictures of deformed feet and hands, and advertising for ALL the drugs purportedly available to stop RA. I was even more confused and concerned.
In one hand I was holding prescriptions for steroids and hydroxychloroquine (yes, the drug in the news), and in the other hand I was holding my new infant. I limped down the street with tears in my eyes, telling myself that the doctor did not know what he was talking about, I did not need drugs and I would figure this out myself.
But what I did not tell myself, or hear from anyone else in that moment, was that it was going be OK, we will figure this out together, and if you need relief or help from medication you are not a failure. I wish someone had said those things to me.
Fast forward to this past week when I received a text from my husband that said: “Get on the blockers and live.”
You see, the past seven years have been an incredibly long, hard journey for me and my family. Beyond our RootsCBD story, we have all been living with a chronic illness.
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Behind the scenes, things have not always been pretty because my body is still fighting, and slowly, since February, my body has been shutting down on me and I have found myself right back down the rabbit hole.
This time I will call it a Covid rabbit hole because I chose to get off my medication when I could not get back to Oregon and take care of myself. While in Florida, I started taking a full extract cannabis oil, and was determined to be the owner of a cannabis store with a chronic illness success story.
Over the years I have done the dance of Western verses Eastern medicine. I have done a lot of things to support my health naturally and, at times, I have also been on a lot of medication. Cost benefit analysis of life is what I call it, but sometimes I go down the rabbit hole for too long off of the RA drugs and cannot live very well.
That is what has happened to me recently. I think it goes back to the way I was raised and my wanting so bad to be able to fix this myself. Through this journey I have come to believe that the fight within my mind is a big reason why I flare, and why I cannot ever get fully into remission, drugs or no drugs.
Cannabis has been a huge part of my journey and is why I advocate strongly for it. It helps support my nervous system to stay calm, lowers my inflammation, and I know is a blocker of the attack to some degree. I think I would be much worse off if cannabis were not part of my daily protocol, but unfortunately it has not been full proof; at least not yet! I will never give up completely on living with my RA in remission, and I will keep an open mind to the possibility of living without RA drugs, but for today I am accepting my journey and my choices, and crossing my fingers this new medication I found last week will support my wellness path.
The truth about Cannabis and health? It’s not a miracle cure, but I believe it is a gift from nature to support our health and well-being, and it does some miraculous things for us.
I encourage anyone else out there who is feeling guilty or bad about their health journey choices to STOP. Embrace what is and know you are not alone. I know you are trying to find the answers and just want to feel healthy and strong. This is just one day, one moment in time during your journey. Go through it with grace and kindness towards yourself.
If you care to share, I’d love to hear your story - Connect with us on our socials so we can support each other in and out of this rabbit hole. Cheers to your good health!
The Truth About Cannabis and Health
